The Ern of Life

Blue skies are callin'

It’s true. I’m obsessed with myself. I spend all my waking hours trying to find that one fundamental truth, the one secret that’ll maybe ease up my life a little. That one trite phrase we toss around all the time, oblivious of it’s weight? The meaning of life, say it too fast and it’s themeaningoflife, demeaningoflife, themeaninglesslife, themeaningof——. But there’s always that: I’m obsessed with the meaning of life, not just for everyone but most importantly for me. I think about who I am and why I’m here without coming up for air every open-eyed second. But I didn’t get a chance to tell the group this; I just left it off with ‘I’m a narcissist’, dangerously making the assumption everyone else would follow along the same natural thought lines. They didn’t; it’s rather a running joke now, my obsession with myself, my vanity. But here’s the catch, the ace in the hole left up my sleeve, the secret I’m gripping under my tongue: just because I’m in love with myself, does not mean I’m any less in love with any of you. Just because I am my primary concern, does not mean I’ll deny you of my undying adoration at all times. Just because I love me, doesn’t mean I don’t have space for you. Except to defend myself would be narcissistic, and I hear it’s a crime to be that.

It’s true. I’m obsessed with myself. I spend all my waking hours trying to find that one fundamental truth, the one secret that’ll maybe ease up my life a little. That one trite phrase we toss around all the time, oblivious of it’s weight? The meaning of life, say it too fast and it’s themeaningoflife, demeaningoflife, themeaninglesslife, themeaningof——. But there’s always that: I’m obsessed with the meaning of life, not just for everyone but most importantly for me. I think about who I am and why I’m here without coming up for air every open-eyed second.

But I didn’t get a chance to tell the group this; I just left it off with ‘I’m a narcissist’, dangerously making the assumption everyone else would follow along the same natural thought lines.

They didn’t; it’s rather a running joke now, my obsession with myself, my vanity.

But here’s the catch, the ace in the hole left up my sleeve, the secret I’m gripping under my tongue: just because I’m in love with myself, does not mean I’m any less in love with any of you. Just because I am my primary concern, does not mean I’ll deny you of my undying adoration at all times. Just because I love me, doesn’t mean I don’t have space for you.

Except to defend myself would be narcissistic, and I hear it’s a crime to be that.

3 months ago 4 notes
Tagged with:  #shoddy writing i'm aware
  1. fredwich said: Splendid writing.
  2. theernoflife posted this